Horse Balls

In our post-apocalyptic village I realized that we were going to be well fed but bored. I got worried that we would all become lazy and instead of being a Shangri-La it would instead look more like Disneyworld. I decided that I needed to begin learning to build some diversions to help keep our hand-eye coordination sharp and get us up and moving.

I built a little ladder golf. Bolo toss. Horse balls if you would. All right, I admit, it isn’t that active at all. Yes, you can play it while holding a beer in one hand. I wanted to make it because it seemed really easy to make and I had access to a drill and a vise.

I tried first to head to the hardware store across the street from me so that I could support local businesses. Unfortunately they didn’t have the kind of PVC pipe I needed. I was following directions that required 1 inch PVC and the smallest they had was 1 1/2 inch. I sucked it up and headed to the Home Depot which was located near a K-Mart also so I would be able to pick up the golf balls I needed. I am not proud.

I was following these directions. Just as a warning, they work great except for the size of the rope. I don’t know how he got that rope through the balls but I got frustrated and needed thinner rope. Judge by your own patience and ingenuity, I was at a BBQ and the dilemma  was preventing me from getting to my burger. Additionally, I found another set of directions on-line that suggested gluing 3/4 inch pieces inside of 1 inch pieces and wanted me to cut 60 pieces of PVC pipe. I don’t care how beautiful the thing would look in the end, if you find yourself doing that then you should just go buy a set. It is just not worth that kind of time investment.

I biked to the superstore complex which was a bit scary in itself. Any time I go under a highway outside of the protection of a vehicle I feel a little bit like I am going to be killed. Instead I was offered flowers. There is a man who sells roses under the Rt. 93 overpass. I am assuming that he knocks on people’s car windows. I personally think his business plan might be lacking. I arrived at the Depot and a really nice guy working there was actually going to cut all of the pieces for me. I began to feel bad though and just had him cut them down to reasonable size. At this point I also still believe that I would be able to bike all of this home by just strapping it to my bike side-bag. I am a dreamer.

So I purchased all of the pipe and joints and rope and wheeled my stuff outside in the cart. I looked at my bike. I called my friend Liz who mocked me a reasonable amount and came and picked me up along with loading my bike onto her car. With the aid of a hacksaw and a vice I cut the pieces. Drilled holes in the golfballs and thread the rope through. Easy as that. Entertainment created.

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