Besides space. And also the depths of the ocean. And certain rain forests. And perhaps death, but no one can say (except for all of those religious folks who talk about the afterlife as though they visit it yearly at their timeshare). Yes, I’m talking about Alaska
Alaska: the last frontier!
In the event of an apocalypse, which I am sad to report will still be coming in the form of giant floods due to global warming and not zombies, I thought it would be prudent to make a pioneering trek to the last frontier in order to put some of my recently learned survival skills to the test. I whittled a small boat
small boat and set sail to the wilds.
To understand what traveling on a cruise ship is like go to an airport. Imagine that laws are a little different and add a casino. Then imagine that instead of getting on a plane and leaving the airport the airport just starts moving towards your destination. As it starts to move a bunch of people start doing the electric slide in the middle. Toss in more bingo than you would have ever guessed and an unnatural over-use of Purel and there you go. You are now a pioneer on your way to Alaska!
So with the impending apocalypse I thought it would be important to first gaze on what will eventually melt, raise sea levels, flood coastal cities, and cause the desalination of ocean waters thereby lowering freezing temperatures and result in flash freezing and an eventual second ice age. Glaciers!
Glaciers! I then made sure that the people in the area were adhering to a radical fringe religion so that once the apocalypse comes they will attribute it to end times and the wrath of an angry God. Check.
So what skills did I pick up while I was there? I conquered a giant sea creature.
sea creature. Ziplining.
Ziplining. Which will be key as there is a possibility that will be forced to live high up in trees. How to handle wildlife.
wildlife. And dogsledding.
dogsledding. Where is the snow you ask? It all melted because of global warming. Pack your apocalypse bags folks. If you are still wondering whether or not you want me on your team in disaster times then stop your doubts. I didn’t just have the full-grown dogs pull my sled, I woke up the puppies
puppies and made them face reality too. We are all going to have to make sacrifices. So all in all I would count this as a success. Bring it on.
For more Alaska pictures and a lovely drive down the Oregon Coast to Portland, visit here.