Is being gay more about being a gender bender? As someone who as always considered herself straight, because I am only attracted to men for long term relationships, I find myself attracted to gay men and seeing myself as a gay man. The activities gay men partake of together is what I would like to experience with my male significant other. Does being female and wanting to “stick it” to my boyfriend and feel like a gay male with him make me gay? I love fashion, being a diva, and find myself more and more distanced from identifying as a female and more as a gay male. I have also dated several bi-sexual men for this reason.
There is a lot to take on here. Whenever that’s true I think that it is always best to start with pegging. I believe that is what you are referring to when you say you want to “stick it” to your boyfriend. For those who think it is strange that I am trying to answer this question by talking about cribbage scoring, let me clarify. Pegging is when you use a strap-on to have anal sex with someone. I think that straight women should make a note of this and if your boyfriend ever asks you to have anal sex don’t hesitate to pull it out and say, “me first!” Okay, let’s get back to the question.
Being gay is not about being a gender bender any more than being straight is about being a gender bender. Both terms (gay and straight) are really just simplifications to help in categorization. You might ask someone if they want tea or coffee and they can answer one or the other but by the time you get to the kitchen you will realize that you really don’t have enough information to bring them something they will want and will probably have to go back and ask some more questions. So let’s start with technical terms. And I would like a black coffee, preferably dark roast.
As opposed to using the terms “gay” and “straight” which are essentially slang, let’s get all etymological. From the Greek and Latin, “Homosexual” means two people of the same sex having sex. Also Greek and Latin, “Heterosexual” is two people of the opposite sex having sex. These words are pretty much concerned with what’s in your pants and what is in the pants of the person you are getting naked with. Then we get into what’s in your brain. Gender identity is what you consider yourself and how you refer to yourself. This can be male, female, neither or both (I’ll talk gender neutral pronouns later in another fun-packed word origin post). Then there is gender role which is how you exhibit your gender in society and with others and is influenced by the societal and cultural norms that you have been raised with. So with all of these things coming into play we can get a great amount of variety and range. This is before we even begin to touch on what you like to do in bed which can open up a whole other realm of variation, for example furries
furries. Thank you internet.
So you have lady parts, you say that you are beginning to identify less as a female and more as a gay male now, you enjoy exhibiting the behaviors associated with being a gay man, and you feel most comfortable dating and sleeping with gay men or bisexual men. That is one way that sexuality, gender identity and gender role can come together. As to whether that makes you gay, technically if you identify as a gay man and sleep with gay or bisexual men then tada! You’re gay! And welcome. However, if you identify as a female who is a diva fashionista and you dig bisexual men who are into you pegging them then that doesn’t necessarily make you gay. It just makes you awesome and interesting to talk to at parties. The most important thing is figuring yourself out and accepting and becoming happy with whatever you are. Unless you live in the south or mid-west, then the most important thing probably will be moving and the second most important thing will be self-acceptance.