There’s not a question on this one but I ran across this video yesterday of Rep. Steve Simon giving testimony at a legislative session about a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in Minnesota. His main quote came down to this, “How many more gay people does God have to create before we ask ourselves if he wants them around?” His point was that if sexuality is innate and not just a “lifestyle choice” then maybe God’s trying to make a point here. And who are you to question God? It was nice to hear because I am not particularly religious and so I don’t always know how to talk to people who come from that point of view. I thought this was a pretty simple and elegant argument.
When I started this blog, it was actually the day after I saw the movie, “For the Bible Tells Me So” a documentary about how families from very conservative religious backgrounds deal with having a gay child and whether it’s possible to reconcile being gay or having a gay child with religion and the bible. It was very well done and it gave me hope that there is a way to cross that divide. I believed that there was a way (what can I say, I’m made of hope) but I was also having some personal experiences that were calling that into question. So I decided, in a fit of ridiculous idealism that I would start a blog where I openly answered people’s questions about being gay and through education and open discussion and honesty I would solve the world’s problems! I can’t quite explain why I thought that religious conservatives and people with little experience with homosexuality and queer culture would seek out the blog of a lesbian comedian in Massachusetts but there you go. I just hope that my wide eyed idealism is charming…
So since then I have answered a lot of questions from my mom, liberal friends, a few confused teenagers, and some stuff I’ve made up. It’s fun to write, don’t get me wrong, but I’m still waiting for that one person to write to me with earnest questions about their recently out of the closet child or family member. I’m so ready to assure them that everything is going to be okay. More than okay actually. The very fact that your kid has told you that they are gay is a good sign that you’ve done a good job as a parent. You have a kid that is strong enough to be themselves even if that will be challenging at times AND they trust you enough to be honest with you. Don’t treat that trust lightly. Also, you may end up with an even stronger relationship with your kid because you will have conversations with each other that most straight folks don’t have to have. Even if those conversations are crazy awkward at times, you will definitely find out more about one another. And if you have to re-examine your faith due to this, then you will find out more about yourself. I’m ready to reassure some parent who is confused when their child comes home looking different or is worried that they have become a stranger that it’s the opposite. Your kid is probably finally becoming themselves. Also, you aren’t alone. Sometimes straight kids come home with blue hair and piercings. Or worse. Dreads and Berkenstocks. And white kids with dreads is one of the saddest things to see because the dreads are lumpy and not uniform so they look like a wet muppet spider is stuck on their heads. I’m ready to tell parents that as long as you keep and open mind and open heart, it only gets better from here.
So now all I need is one confused parent seeking the advice of one lesbian comedian. Anyone? What can I say? I’m a helper.