Jessica Sutich

When gays date is one more like the guy and one more like the girl?

That is one of the first questions you decide on when you are gay dating. I mean I don’t know how we would ever get this homosexuality thing off the ground if we didn’t gender divide. How would we decide who wears the white wedding dress? Who wears the tux? Who offers the dowry? Who gets to handle the checkbook and the maps? Who gets to cook and get an allowance for food shopping? It would be craziness! I shudder to think!

I have often thought to myself that I would be much happier in life if I had thoughts more like “Forty hours a week working in a beige cubicle? AND sometimes there will be cake? Yay administrative job!” or “Of course I like men, why would you even ask? I mean if I didn’t like men would I have married my high school boyfriend?” or “The kids are in daycare and I have a white wine spritzer and this Danielle Steele novel. Ah heaven…which is also a place I believe in.” Alas. It hasn’t been that simple.

I do acknowledge that there are people out there for whom gender stereotypes fit like a glove. Either a totally tough and dirty work glove or an elbow length glove that would go great with a ball gown. There are also gay couples out there who can look at those gloves and definitely know who needs to own which. I seem to have a drawer full of all kinds of gloves. Sometimes I feel like I found out about Halloween when I was a kid and I decided it was a year ’round deal. When Halloween does come around I see so many men dressed as women that I would suggest more people to follow my lead. Seriously, the only disappointment is that you only get the bucket of candy but once a year. (A brief digression, the men are dressed as women, the women are dressed slutty, perhaps we are all lesbians? Discuss.)

I also like women who are similar in mindset. I dated a girl once who, despite her love of pink skirts was unnervingly strong. We were looking for an apartment once and she asked me to check the light fixture to see if we could put a ceiling fan in. She then lifted me up off the ground so that I could complete her request. I like the duality it makes things interesting.

I do have one caveat. I would encourage, more than gender dividing, style dividing, especially if you and your S.O. are the same size. I have run into the problem of swapping clothing so much that I can’t even tell which one of us is which. Suddenly you find yourself embarrassingly making out with you. So play to whatever strengths you have. Straight couples should do the same. My mom is better with directions. My dad has a great eye for color. So what. But definitely decide who owns which jeans or you might stop checking out the ass that resides in them having confused it for your own.