Jessica Sutich

Do gay men really dislike lesbians?

I keep hearing that this is true. Actually, last night I was informed that gay men don’t like lesbians because they have no style. I was hurt. I had product in my hair. What more do you want?

To determine the validity of the statement I decided to search beyond the internet. I went and spent a week sleeping in the same bed as a gay man. Just think of me as Jane Goodall but with bears. At no point did he seem to startle at the sight of me. There was no fear response nor was there an anger response. At first he didn’t even seem to notice me. Then I gained his trust, and eventually, I even coaxed him to have a drink with me. At the end of the week I concluded that gay men don’t really dislike lesbians.

Actually, the friend I was staying with (on the cheap in a small space, thus the shared bed) has been a good friend of mine for years. He probably knows more lesbians than I do. And gets along with them fine. I seem to have a bunch of straight male friends. What does that make me? I looked on-line to see if there was a term and all I could find was “lezbro”, which is a straight man with a bunch of lesbian friends. That’s not quite right. I actually wish that it was, as they might be able to introduce me to someone that I could date. I also found a lot of terms for straight women with a bunch of gay male friends ranging from the old standard, “fag-hag”, to “fruit fly”, which according to the Urban Dictionary has many shades of meaning. One narrowed a fruit fly down to being between the ages of 13 and 27. At 28, you are apparently a hag. In searching that term I also came up with a report by Fox “News”, “Scientists make fruit flies gay then straight again.” So there you have it, if you are worried about your kids becoming gay do not let them hang around with scientists, but if they are gay, then go get a scientist. Quickly! It goes on to say that drugs and genetic manipulation in fruit flies can turn homosexuality on and off in a matter of hours. Good and bad news I suppose considering the life span of a fruit fly. Anyway, I suppose the fact that I didn’t find a bunch of terms for lesbians and gays that are great friends it is either less common or it is less interesting to talk about. Boring: That gay man and that lesbian share common interests and enjoy hanging out. Interesting: That straight woman used to date Drew who now dates John but she is still in love with Drew.  Conflict sells.

More findings from my Bears in the Mist studies? I had the pleasure a few years back to go to a Mr. Bear New England competition. I was the only female there. Usually if I am the only female somewhere I take it as a danger sign. Or at least a time to become wary. In this case everyone was delightful. Even more so once they find out that I am a lesbian. One man suggested that lesbians should have a Mrs. Bear New England showing off hairy women. I am not into it, but he was very enthusiastic and clearly trying to find our commonalities. I shave, but I get where he was going with it.

So maybe I am investigating the wrong kind of gay man. Maybe bears like lesbians but all other gay men hate them. Seemingly not so though. I met a delightful gay man who works at a local television station and even in his tiny jackets and very stylish jeans, he still failed to hate me even after I revealed that I liked the ladies.

So do all gay men hate lesbians? No. Most don’t. Do SOME gay men hate lesbians? Yes. Some gay men hate everyone. Some gay men hate themselves. Some just say they hate lesbians because they are in a club and cattiness is just another way to accessorize and outfit.