Dear Ask a Gay,
I’m going to be building a website for a political candidates upcoming campaign and of course we will want to say stuff to make fun of the other candidate. So how do I make sure that they don’t use fancy computer tactics to counter our smear campaign?
Okay, let me be honest here—this was not a question that was sent to me and I rephrased the last sentence. HOWEVER, last night I was at a WordPress Meetup (I’m very multifaceted) and this question was asked in regards to, as he put it, “someone running for a senate seat in a nearby state.” So after he snipped my last thread of hope, I decided that he asked the question in a room where I was sitting so inadvertently he DID ask a gay.
Here’s what I’ve got. I would like to think that he was asking this question regarding a Republican candidate and that Democratic candidates would never stoop so low. Unfortunately, Democrats also stoop this low, they just don’t do it as effectively. Green party candidates probably also stoop this low, but try to slam the other candidates by pointing out that they are not vegans, right guys? Right? Check out that non-vegan. Ha! Where are your renewable resources buddy? Sorry green party, I want to be a member, but since I like to watch late season games and still have a team in there to root for you are going to have to wait.
The general response in the room was disbelief. Not that it happens but that he said it in such a blatant manner. This is the plan, the grand political strategy. The plan didn’t seem to be making sure there were solid political ideas and an agenda for change and improvement in people’s lives. The plan was to take whatever the other jerk says and make fun of it. As this seems to be the plan for both sides it becomes clear why no one really seems to say that much. They just say nothing in a loud and passionate way. Then in the final moments before it’s time to vote we have a quick airing of dirty laundry, trade sex scandals for each side, everyone agrees that gay marriage is not okay but the Republican candidate makes sure to hate it more and we vote. We all walk away with a distrust and disappointment in politics along with the general malaise that comes from feeling like your vote doesn’t really matter that much anyway and then we go back to watching So You Think You Can Dance.
A while back, I proposed that all political debates and elections should be turned into a call in to vote reality show. As we see that currently not much effort is really being put forth right now as it is, why not mix it up and have a little singing, a little dancing, and maybe make each candidate have to live for a month with one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey? In some bizarre way I think that we would learn a great deal more about political agendas in this way. Does Richard Shelby do a soulful rendition of Memories? Does Rand Paul perform a dance number in black face? Will John Kerry get run over by a New Jersey housewife (a real one) when she mistakes him for a tree in her yard? Hijinks abound. At the end everyone gets to vote via text message, up to 10 votes per person, and we call it an election. Where should the line between the validity of the political system and getting the buy-in of the American people be drawn? Who’s to say?
In the mean time my answer to the guy at the top. You fail because you aren’t supposed to own up to it. I just fired you. Everyone else, go out and read some Matt Taibbi. I suggest the “Great Derangement”. You won’t be disappointed. Personally, I am just going to have to make sure that I don’t move to any nearby states where politics are clearly ridiculous. Oh wait, I live in one already.
And in answer to the question you are all now thinking: did this picture make me more gay because I now think that men have forearm penises. Yes.