Dear Ask a Gay,
Not new to Gay. So, I just got dumped by someone who seems to be saying I am too intense. (Because we are bothe femme she said it really, really nicely)
I thought this was one of me best traits for attracting a lesbian. What do you think? Also, I think she was great—but not funny enough for me. Do you think there are certain traits that make people “right” for you ? (Because maybe if it’s that simple I will change my match profile to just traits)
Call me old fashioned, but I believe that one of your best traits for attracting a lesbian is being a woman. If you don’t have that one down then you are going to have to do some extra work. Other than that female thing, I really don’t think that there are any traits that will attract lesbians in particular. Lesbians—just like everyone else—are just a bunch of individuals each with different interests and different things that they find attractive. The bad news is there is absolutely no formula. The good news is that whatever your bag of traits happen to be, there’s probably someone out there who is looking for just that.
Now, onto this business of writing a Match.com profile. I myself, have a bit of a hard time with online dating in general. I suppose someone can write a really great profile talking about how much they love to hike and love new things and that they equally enjoy going out as well as appreciating a night in and then toss on a book they’ve read to prove they aren’t low brow and a television show they like to prove they aren’t a snob and lo and behold those preferences will totally match someone else. Then upon meeting for a date, magic will happen. I guess that can happen, but I think that there is something great about meeting someone just by chance in real life. As opposed to meeting on some date where you are trying to go from online strangers to people who make out, you get to see them doing their thing, whatever that might be. Plus if you meet by chance in real life then it proves that you at least have enough in common to be out at the same place whereas all you know if you meet on match.com is that you both have access to a computer. That may just be me though. I’m looking for a meet cute. So listen up world, if you are looking to date me then we both better hope that we meet up in some wacky way. Bonus if we are both kind of awkward and fumbling about it. That’s my thing. Dating sites can’t get that done. Sorry OkCupid, I’d be better off signing up for some service where you followed me and pushed me “accidentally” into people you thought I would be good with. That tirade being said…
I don’t think that just a list of traits is the right way to go (although there is probably someone out there who would be totally into that). I’m going to get all metaphorical here, but you wouldn’t describe how great a cake is by listing all of ingredients. Maybe saying the word “chocolate” will get folks’ attention but they will drift off by the number of cups of flour. Without that flour though, you don’t have a great cake. When you think someone is awesome, and you completely fall for them and they completely fall for you it’s because a whole bunch of things happen to mix together in just the right way for both of you. It might not even be in the way that you would have expected. Humans are crazy that way. So in conclusion, yeah, I think there are certain traits that make someone completely right for me and I think that none of them really count for a damn when I fall for someone. Usually when I fall, all I can tell you is that I like the person for being so completely who they are. Is that just me?