The Cat Can’t Take Any More Clothes Off

Dear Ask A Gay,
Everybody knows Halloween is a holiday where straight girls dress up as slutty versions of whatever.

How likely are gays to do this?  Is this practice limited to just straight girls, or do gay girls impress each other by wearing only their bras in public places?

Thanks,
Maria

Ah Halloween. I’m posting this late, but what else is new? So this year on Halloween I saw two girls dressed as slutty cats and it raised a lot of questions for me. First of all, why not slutty dogs? And if it’s because we associate the word “dog” with ugly then why not slutty puppies? Women are slutty cats all of the time but they are never slutty puppies. Is there a time in human history when we decided that we think that the cat looks just a little dirty? When was that? Second of all, how much more can you take off before it will cease to be a cat costume and you will just be a naked girl? The girls I saw this year were pretty much down to ears, a tail, thongs, boots and bras. If I saw them on the street I wouldn’t think, great cat costume. I would think, there are some naked girls.

So, is it just a straight girl thing? Well, here’s my probably inaccurate understanding of straight girls history. The way that women dress and look has long been controlled by society. The bodies that we see in media are impossible ideals that are often computer generated and usually not wearing much. There are half naked women all around selling us everything. Conversely there is a theory that women who aren’t wearing enough are horrible heathens and if you are going to keep a woman from spoiling then you should probably swathe her in cloth and never let her see the light of day. Basically, uncovering and covering women up has been a strange obsession for centuries.

Over time, between sexual revolutions and the internet which teaches us that our whole lives and everything should be public, we have decided in this country that a minimal amount of clothing is needed to go out and on Halloween you can cut that in half. Women believe that this is a way of owning their sexuality and being sexy is fun. Men believe that half naked women are awesome and wisely keep quiet about the fact that a naked woman with a nurse’s hat and high heeled white boots doesn’t look empowering at all.

Meanwhile, over at lesbian central…I was never out at gay clubs when I was in my prime naked cat years (17-23) so I’m not sure what the Halloween protocol was. What I have found more recently is that women at lesbian clubs do like to impress each other by wearing only their bras. These seem to be what I like to call a “going out sports bra”. On a Saturday night, one would go out wearing jeans, a G/O sports bra, t-shirt, gray hoodie, and fleece vest. Throughout the night as alcohol, dancing and generally poor air flow at the dance club causes everyone to heat up you lose the vest, hoodie and t-shirt. I don’t know if lesbians are impressing each other with said bras though. I think that once again they are impressing each other with their functionality. Clubs are hot and vigorous dancing can cause the girls to sag, so why not dress with intelligence? As for Halloween, I assume it’s all exactly the same. Add on cat ears.

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2 Comments

  1. This was hilarious to read. Well done.

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