Posts Tagged ‘Dan Savage’

Waxing Politic

Dan Savage recommends that people who are gay and bisexual should come out because when people know that they know and love sexual minorities it helps lead to less LGBT-bigotry. Do I need to come out to my aesthetician?

I will begin by coming out about this question. My girlfriend asked me this question and at first I just laughed. I’m kind of a jerk. I haven’t written in a while though, so I thought I would use it to kick off this blog again. I also wanted to try to not misquote Dan Savage here because I personally love his column, so I pulled the phrasing of the beginning of the question from this article.

Now back to the question. I agree that coming out is really important for everyone. First of all, it is great for your sanity. Lying and hiding who you are is completely stressful. See how at the beginning of this article I outed myself as a jerk? I immediately felt more at ease after that. I know that it can be scary. I also went through a time in my life when I was really angry about it. I was so mad that people who were straight never had to sit down with people and have a super-awkward moment when they said, “Can we talk?” I thought it was a really gross phrase. Part of me still does and because of that, I like to come up with creative ways to tell people I’m gay. I find that I say it on stage a lot. I’m also trying to popularize the term “lady-gay”. That’s my own personal crusade though.

In general though, it can be scary and difficult to come out to people. It involves having to put your trust in someone, and if they react poorly, then you have to deal with that. There will be times when you meet someone and think, here’s a fine person to hang out with, and then boom, they are homophobic. It can be a real disappointment. Even worse, there will be times when it really just goes terribly. If you have had a bad experience, or want to read something really sweet, go to the website, It’s loving moms supporting LGBTQ kids at the holiday season. It makes me cry. There I just came out again, I’m someone with emotions. Also, while I’m getting into it, my parents were great when I came out and still are. I always feel pretty lucky to have been raised in an open and accepting family.

The sad truth is that not everyone’s parents and loved ones are accepting. Some will grow to be but will need to take a while to come around and accept it. Sometimes you worry for years about how you think that your parents will react and then in the end they surprise you and do a great job in the end. Until you tell the people in your life though, you won’t know. You won’t even be giving them a chance. They won’t know that they know and love a person who is really awesome and also a member of the LGBTQ community. Instead you are just closing them out of your life. It really is the worst for everyone.

Now, should you tell your aesthetician? Sure! Why not? The reason that it made me laugh is that it gets back to the thing that I feel is unfair. In the beginning, you are in a constant state of sharing the news. “Have you heard the good news? I’m gay.” When I started coming out to people, I felt like everything became a conversation about my sex life. “Excuse me sir, I need this cab to take me uptown, also, can we talk? I need to tell you that I am a homosexual.” “I’m here, I’m queer, please fill it regular!” I got weary and began to do a certain amount of internal bargaining. If I don’t tell this co-worker that I’m gay is that okay? I don’t even like this jerk. I say that the answer on that one is you make the call. If anyone asks me point blank, “Hey! You gay or what?” I will always tell them. If they say dumb things like, “How are things going on the dating front? We need to get you a man.” I would tell them I was gay even if I wasn’t because what a stupid thing to say. If you are a person who talks to your aesthetician about your life and she says, “Who’s the new man in your life?” Well, there’s your chance, and lying is the worst. Especially when you aren’t wearing pants. As to the point that this would be a particularly awkward moment to discover that said aesthetician is homophobic, I understand that point. My only thought on that is that the waxers of the world have gay men to thank for really expanding their business. Not only do gay men tend to take the time to wax and groom, they also opened the door for straight men to do the same. If your aesthetician is homophobic it would be terrible for business.

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